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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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/ I% D$ V7 x. g4 V7 }5 o8 a: o( L  bike and asked for forgiveness.; [# M/ y# C7 t7 \
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
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  辆然后求上帝宽恕。! B6 N" \7 I, a' I, }7 |7 {7 O% t
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a, L' a! @9 W' ]2 G1 c9 m
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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  样死法啊!
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  M+ a# b2 P- e- _1 F- X. H# ^  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you' n5 P: b: ?" o- W2 h3 I* Q

  v8 I/ E# U" w) c4 t  with experience.7 W* `" h2 i3 q/ M9 q9 h( w

9 e, R$ M$ i& Q6 `, ?  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你% e& P9 g3 R* A2 z, F, y3 M

, u" J0 D: ]( ?+ t3 q  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.# l+ [8 o2 y7 ~3 K. c* M8 y' t: n
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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4 I$ E6 |% G% H8 ~/ r7 V9 ]  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。5 v4 @) B( O% R! `: p( _0 O6 r
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.. O+ ]& y9 m( O; r. ^. f

8 ]% q$ W6 ^9 `! v0 |- s0 J* x  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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+ E6 E: p$ J0 w# q  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。$ ?" c4 F; Q' \7 i$ Z( t
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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  p* w3 t. L% Z9 O  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.( _' ^  _4 O& L+ y/ u/ ^" F

7 F; s2 f9 e2 L, G" y1 K  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
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6 l4 w! _, W* z+ Z  better have a good hand.+ z6 f/ h. R+ b5 v, U

- q9 \* a" N+ ]  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca! j6 E/ w% F% M* J  J0 `
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.  @5 [  f# O2 E- I0 l! v
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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  还是很有喜感。& B0 b. m9 V3 v/ l5 ]' o
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan4 ~- j9 j, i) C3 q1 S& B/ [
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.6 B; R' Z5 a7 P( C: K. k
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏7 V8 N' m1 c* n  m

% Q9 C  `8 \; M/ E  了!!
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3 y, x' f/ i! |$ O/ Z  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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0 ~0 f+ ]' V( N* h8 H7 N7 d" s  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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  .
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( P5 ]6 f4 i+ G  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!: p" H3 X0 D' j% I4 m' {. Y* o# ~5 |

6 U' ^( |0 t! o' z# b9 j  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.  v8 B' n0 Y2 b( F$ W' ?( S. N
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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; u5 Z0 ^1 K/ I& [  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio& r# i% p, t. _+ N

. R$ T- D9 T% v. @5 y  n, make him a sandwich.
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt7 U! Y% Q: g2 p9 }) V4 n
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  il you hear them speak.* B) T1 u) A4 f

$ G' B; P% X( A0 |8 S  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B..." u" r! D( c1 C# _" l8 L
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  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.# M3 ]  {1 Y. B0 f) e& ^7 Z
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。- Z+ G  m! ?4 z3 }/ c  [7 a
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment4 [1 j5 N3 Z% H! k1 \

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3 `* u4 E" o2 X& c  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.! i! `, z7 D* i9 t3 F/ L( Z7 }
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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2 E5 N9 A+ h* K1 ~' S  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to2 W* @  B1 K# L9 Z1 j

; H. ?$ R: ]( B$ J  tell you why it isn't.
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5 N& S, r/ {, @% v& \5 |  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。5 t% B: H7 B# T3 i- G

! u: k1 j/ _1 ]8 A3 h# e  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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* Q& j+ u9 A. z% R# \% x/ o! \7 S0 y  box to start a campfire?
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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8 g& q. r5 L* D5 C5 M! N2 O" @  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科9 }; K" }: l2 x+ k

: P1 Z" B2 a* v( }5 x6 R  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy# h/ a1 M+ V& a& M, }0 i2 K" b

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3 \6 U: n. p8 |2 q4 X  g+ O  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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" B/ g6 A/ j8 p  j+ K  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr' D5 ^% h' d+ P' l
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  uit salad." b1 z" `& k* P* M) c
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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% @4 f, P! U5 O* v0 Z  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个1 T3 r" W+ W2 T9 f; e$ e

0 x, O! n" O& N+ H. ^2 L! ^  篮子。
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"% T$ `3 L. }6 B1 t/ \6 ^9 x3 ~
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.0 o$ p# j/ C8 o' M4 e; ~

" E9 Q( S; v, r+ e* K' I& n4 ^" P& a% h  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!' o- ~) m$ ^* ?7 R$ S

( n* |8 c- x( M1 M  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the2 t' h6 K% v1 {5 ]
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  same night.* ~. e5 ?+ ^; g+ R6 {, Z; H

# R5 S+ p* @6 v3 H  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian0 D1 w$ b& u$ K7 W2 F' E
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..% \0 r" D+ k1 Z2 Q4 [& k, s

8 t5 w4 M  i+ R+ q0 q1 Q' F! X$ C$ M  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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. V2 k% l4 A- x, ]7 h: x( T  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv% i$ k( }5 Z& u3 W( G

0 N' k. Y0 _7 d- O: }  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the2 i; L* p. {$ }1 o2 ~

$ ]- k/ j5 c7 d2 e  L' ]" V; }  m fish?
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, P; i8 j, X8 ~6 v2 O. G& J  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃/ T- r9 d8 b7 h$ n3 O" P1 l) H7 n

/ k6 C& r. r/ r- G, B; z+ h! b  了。% ]" m. Q6 ^5 C
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin5 ~. O1 P! N1 U8 J; y/ N8 R$ J
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  g.
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!9 W- `4 q+ X4 r; B, ?  W8 D
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”) i3 V+ @( ~7 J. i
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-6 y% i1 q' e8 z0 a" ]

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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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: {( r: [" [1 L6 ?  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu* Y6 K/ z* T* H/ z$ V+ D' S
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?1 ]  k# \3 _; ^8 l

. w3 c! R- l) |( w' J7 f* R& c, N  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?  q! a3 g. I3 `* y- d7 P, |/ {
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al' i' B( m# K* Z

0 `  ]6 `8 p, U# s6 Z7 J" k8 r  l doubt.; }0 ?0 y: h% G

3 U$ Z% J3 v# }4 w9 _) e: x  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。# Z. N1 Q/ f0 u" A* i$ P
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。! T$ \. w4 q# O# N" L# D+ ^# F
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。$ ^; n0 W, J/ n; t! b9 r$ q+ V4 ?

0 t- ^* z3 s7 A  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'# A: E1 |% x2 J  v9 D
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  t need it.
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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2 G! L) |' W# u% z1 J( Y  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。9 |. r3 W+ f& Y( o. H: l2 N
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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# J: G! h8 t/ N$ \; ?  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!8 x1 {1 s9 \( B* J" P) S/ P
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫" s% A( i' `( {$ u1 U4 n/ r  p

! H+ D. V) x  H2 u0 D  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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9 w& U2 Z  k9 O" v$ l" Q5 g  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?% i3 ^$ j# z! t) _' C
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”+ A- J! R% e' e

, g# ?, _- z. M6 X/ Z& W8 w0 r  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。+ ~1 s  N! s; z: _: \3 w; d
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.3 s+ f) M& m9 H- c: l

2 O- b& R; r' J' Y( f  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装& h: L: Z( G$ S6 U; b6 k

! s9 k( T2 Z$ D9 b$ l/ Q5 i* d  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.% {( A4 B8 R3 E$ i1 t& U) z  f  |
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"( o, p5 k1 f' Z
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with( U5 A4 ^' G, b1 y1 @  A- ~! R* _2 V
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.7 ~' ]3 q+ t% b: {; n
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.1 P' W- H- e4 g% V6 p
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。1 p1 H& m6 M# y# S7 P, w3 [
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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  rls live.
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear0 B- U$ o, C- P' }3 W$ v

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/ K' K4 m% Q( {: ]  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。  f: D& @% W, O2 Q; ^8 }: W

% V$ X; j4 R; }/ M1 Q6 C& r1 ~  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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) g8 m, \' U' G  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.$ D6 ^. m2 P+ @' o' J

' G6 r/ ^1 O9 Q1 D2 L3 G8 x  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
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6 U5 F* \6 v( ^+ j7 g( Y  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
  ^- X' M3 B. A$ l# H) @& \3 q5 \* Z- c* ?5 n4 {, g! ]+ t6 Y
  叫声是一样滴。& q) n3 E8 r9 R  k

4 Y) S3 l; H. y" U. O  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.- A" e- h- o& v% J1 Q* v+ k& ~
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。. L' D9 B# L: I9 }. g+ {

- C3 j% E7 W) n, z* O  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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7 b  a5 Y; w5 n& R" D# [  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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) T" u# E) t: F/ u/ A0 v: H% D+ _6 t  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?/ w* W& P7 i; Y- C; l
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什' m5 Y3 n, G. b: p
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  么忙?!$ O. a% L  }- |8 n

% k; B* G) i7 i0 x) Q9 Y3 U  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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' n0 ~6 Q0 a# c3 j/ _  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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