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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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  bike and asked for forgiveness.+ Y/ x+ Y, E' F  p; |
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一+ Y( z& F% `7 E" ~

$ n+ j$ k5 k5 e( I  N9 w" B5 y  辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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+ h) J, N9 E. i$ K  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一/ {$ |2 E* v6 }+ J

/ Z3 A; h0 @7 N6 {! n  T  样死法啊!+ n$ q6 \2 G; _

5 y$ G" U; j: q7 w$ Q" `1 o  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you/ }3 q( U! J1 {; G7 a' X9 d! ~
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  with experience.8 ~% W. a& H2 L9 t% K4 y6 F
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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% W; j  r( o+ I  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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5 h1 u- F$ c) D" `  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。; u7 V: _3 L# O0 P! n3 ^

0 v2 N% A  Q* l6 y" `9 R  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。/ C' [# g! \1 \1 M+ }
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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2 u! A7 a  p; C3 M1 e! @/ H; d/ U  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police., s" e3 e9 r2 O0 E, |( Z' O, p' ^

8 R# j8 a7 e! S' y9 Y1 C  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
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  i7 k- Q" A% h  t6 ^, t  better have a good hand.3 X( h( ?: }. s8 d
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。1 J/ s# Y+ w& m* P2 L) r3 r/ F( c4 p- T

: ?1 g5 [1 L8 j' x% c  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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) R9 @+ m2 q! @# S9 v) D  还是很有喜感。
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan3 h1 E5 ], M. q4 }' {" `
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.+ A6 W( H6 q; y) a* {

! B8 D3 i- r' w) u, T  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏0 B/ T& |. A9 U3 [% y8 f/ ^9 x. }

9 b- Y: S: c3 y: s7 W  z3 W  了!!
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% j, H+ \5 Y" ^' ^- l. B: {, A  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.* L/ F0 O- c. [! T7 [! d. p# j
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship5 N! `* v; i6 M) X% N7 s$ q
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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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4 Q# ^6 _6 x  f  p! E# z  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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9 p+ l" V$ K' G( ~4 }0 f5 D  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio2 @) G. Y3 e! L7 ~( _
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  n, make him a sandwich.
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!3 s8 J  ]$ t. h! I+ q. B
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt8 C/ e# X% F* K! p4 K4 _

; M& x! |' U. g  il you hear them speak.1 A$ ]& F7 [- K/ s8 i

5 g5 u& G; G/ K* j  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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2 V- G. F4 S4 w  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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  F$ A- B7 `) Q3 \3 \+ J' e  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。2 |; [6 j- ]4 i9 O

: V+ c4 a- [& g4 d- l; o5 j  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.; v4 _% y2 m0 b; k
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment5 }4 c; j; G$ ?& B, x5 z8 y

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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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4 C  n% e7 {3 D3 S3 l  d  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer." x2 Y" H, R/ b

  C6 k$ z+ `1 x: g: P$ |  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...9 h! P3 M( T, ^3 d  m, I" X

/ H4 Z5 u, w0 |- c% p  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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7 q: V( e8 j# J9 q% f  tell you why it isn't.5 E) I7 E; C+ J2 K0 h+ }

! ~% H1 X7 s* V  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。  R3 l  J" X5 f# h5 F' w
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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! d" c' h# ~: h; B7 {8 R3 R7 u  box to start a campfire?
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' V. z) x. H6 ]: y6 \  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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# z! m" }4 }: O' M& D8 ~; H( V$ c( ~  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科0 o  m; W, }3 \, T- D
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  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?9 p& R3 z3 `" g3 t- q0 f

8 L' d. L' ^& _. y& Z  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr( k6 N  F8 Q# y% u

6 S0 c9 u8 m9 \6 {; N  uit salad.
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。( S% a. p1 `& h3 B9 O' G

& [* X9 @* Y  y! A) z/ K6 K  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个* d' Y! R0 M" D, Y& k7 P& `

' l1 b- [9 l1 C$ P8 q: K5 S1 f  篮子。' u# I+ D& A- U

- B4 v2 P0 y, J- S  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining., L' w4 Y! w/ p0 L

& W7 k  _# B2 P$ n; M+ B  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!# x$ S: e) s: a0 H# U; o# ]1 h
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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- _8 O! y$ G8 V5 y8 F  same night.
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$ G% N- D$ y* u: }* w  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。" r, @+ R" ~- c9 R9 u

! ^4 T) y9 V" e3 ~4 x& N9 v! P  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian7 U, v+ `; A5 ]$ `3 n0 S3 o

0 M  g4 v; ^, e( K/ ?6 |$ G  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。# @/ M% K5 V$ @( N* k

% `) T! j7 \, o; g7 o" }  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops0 k7 e$ s! o9 r8 X; w/ U

5 X" A, V; ~* |; A  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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, m' R  I. E( l2 B  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…1 O) i6 P# e6 ?9 g

% \$ H/ a2 W* W  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.' Y: ?+ q4 j) L0 c+ \

( v* x- Z* w5 q  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。  r2 M+ n+ D2 r3 i! L! k. I
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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' b7 e9 h8 Y, t  ?; a0 [( [  m fish?$ y: j/ t0 u6 c0 g. ^: h7 S1 K/ e
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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  了。4 k7 {9 v  c) g% M) D

3 B. \' [' G4 s" z4 Z  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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' E. X5 i; V* x7 g4 a- t/ S$ p  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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/ J! y; a; V) x  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan; y7 N! N( b( X$ i
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  ts?"
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- d" `* T& b* ?. |1 J2 m  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”! j+ p/ A, e4 U) V) M* r* P$ N

! m# u6 R- {+ V7 U" h! ]/ b  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk4 }9 |* o5 w- ], y: @
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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  up.
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" b6 d" H5 G7 A8 T1 @0 _  c# S% \  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
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) A5 }5 @! F+ H3 s$ c/ `  {  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al3 S1 _+ @* B  I
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  l doubt.
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( j, Q) Q+ v5 o% y7 C  I/ ~  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。# r  z" |, i! j. j
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释8 p: ?6 m$ L6 s- q: c* N. `" L' S
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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  t need it.2 K' b8 m, R% d, u  D0 n
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方: h0 [/ D  L% t# @
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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! ]7 i% w- ^9 a! X7 Q/ y! K/ v$ T* s  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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3 J+ h1 G9 i0 c; o2 T8 |0 s3 K" k  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。6 A0 A: ]# ~) L  ^; z

* |$ \% B* \7 U0 V7 o6 |  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!, w' Y% Y% Y* b: f/ Z

) C; a; M* ?' y, c  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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6 H8 h/ n% F* y3 U  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.+ z( ~+ _; Q% Q3 ]: {- N

+ _) x' k. h: v1 @) P2 R3 S7 x  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”1 ^- o$ Y) Z& n. L

9 k$ @0 U3 Y5 i  g3 x  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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: v4 Q! k4 D( L  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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  J* g! b+ A& a) ]8 t  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装, G  m& B! i6 H3 X  o, o! U5 t

: n& p! B8 ~2 |, w3 v$ g9 P* q, f  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"& d7 F/ n/ P# [, [& a: @/ {
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.7 h. O  _1 ?- I; i2 s, ~  L
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等# [" u: b" s: K, n+ e8 V
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  。
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7 p" X2 X6 @5 M/ l& {; G' Z  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。# o4 P" r) I* a/ P$ }4 n
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi/ {2 ?) k/ d; B1 q

+ v5 P3 B+ E) E  rls live.
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6 r4 D+ E4 K/ i( Q  t  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!1 M4 {" @# E* L; ~* Y: B

4 N. z- F1 |- f4 ~' t, s  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear' Q% V9 g% v" P1 ~  v( Q
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  ch.
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4 Y. Y& j) m8 T8 A! o+ c  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。4 O7 G+ C% P; J8 A# b

6 b8 h) Y. u  G+ _% N  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。$ e* R; G: S' o, H4 E: I# t% u
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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: F& Q6 N: U: n. q3 z  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a6 u- [/ K' @3 h5 R9 t

7 a' P; @1 `0 d8 x8 L& T! W  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot., G% {! \( @" f2 d7 e. e! {- ~

0 e! A% H' B. L2 Y: Q  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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  叫声是一样滴。9 k% M" i& A5 ~

$ }! g; c" O# I  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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3 ?2 ~# \& y. [& c4 Q2 r- w  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!7 I6 w$ d) K" H* v7 C, E1 M! @8 Z% w9 Y
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc: X3 I) o' Q3 y' m
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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. }8 C$ O& v+ p% Y( c% Z% U  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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  么忙?!* A% N0 g( K) K
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.) k9 q" ~4 j! ?5 E" C/ ?/ m( O) O

- r& T5 h% }! s+ U  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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